grandpa: Hey, Al. Are you good at math?
me: Sometimes.. why?
grandpa: Can you do it in your head?
me: sometimes... why..?
grandpa: Oh good. I've got a joke for you. If I buy a dog for $10.00, then I sell it, then buy it back for $5.00, did I make or lose money?
me: Well, I guess it depends. How much did you sell it for?
grandpa: For pooping on the porch!
hahahah! Yeah, I know. I didn't get it either. He's so funny, though. I just love him. A lot. Anyway! That wasn't the point of this post.
As I was getting ready to leave, he kisses me on the cheek and says "Are you going to get married soon?! I need to dance at your wedding!" hahah! I was all.. UM. Excuse me? He told me that he'd probably be around for about 10 more years, so he'd give me 9 to get married. I was dying. I'm pretty sure that everyone in my family doubts my capability of finding somebody to marry. Tracy told me he'd be surprised if I was married by the time I was 30. Grandpa says he'll give me nine years. That puts me at 27. Not that it's that old. It's just funny. But then I started thinking about it. And then I started worrying about it. Afterward Nic and I went to take some pictures for our photography class, and I told him that little story. He started laughing and said "You're going to be the 40-year-old virgin!"
It was then that I REALLY started to stress. I mean, I really don't need to be married in a year- I'm not ready for that at all. And I definitely don't want to be married that soon. But I think about it, and I wonder how in the world I'm going to find someone that I can love for the rest of forever. And to get to the point of loving someone forever, I have to meet somebody. And start dating them. Given the snails pace that I'm going at, it's going to be a long time before I even make any new friends. And the other one that really freaks me out, is that I can date people that are like 25 years old! That's so stinking weird! Most of the guys that I've talked to at school are return missionaries- most likely looking to date someone, and get married in a year or two. My brain still sees my brothers at that age. Even though they're 29/30, I see these boys that are 23-25, and all I can see is my brothers. And my brain goes: "You can't talk to them! They're the same age as Jeff and Dylan and all of their friends! You're just the little sister. You can't talk to them or be friends with them, let alone date them. What are you thinking?!" I just really don't know how I'm ever going to meet anybody. Or be friends with anybody. Or date anybody. I can't see myself dating anyone else. I guess I just have a hard time accepting change- and that's one of them. I get used to something being a certain way, and then when it's taken from me, I have a hard time letting go.
*sigh* Am I the only one feeling this way? Please. Tell me that somebody else knows what I'm feeling. Maybe I'll just be the crazy cat lady. Anyone want to join?
3 comments:
I, for one, don't feel the same as you. But I know some other people that do. I think that it will work out just fine and you don't need to stress about it. If you meet a guy worth marrying then he will certainly be willing to help you come around to the idea as well. It is definately weird to think about but I suppose I'll be married in about a year. I just had to come to terms with it eventually and I'm sure you will too.
I couldnt agree with you more Alex, I worry about that too, and the whole age thing gets me everytime, because I always think "no! I cant talk to them! I am only a little freshman, they wouldnt give me the time of day"! Also, I have found very attractive men at college, but I get so intimmidated by them, because I always feel like there is a cuter, or smarter girl that they would want to talk to, or get to know. not me. And the whole "starting over" getting to know a new person can be exhausting at times... so Alex you are not alone girl
Ohhh Al Al Al. College does that to ya. I feel the same way. Imagine being at BYU… Um yeah, every guy is a returned missionary and you know the rest. You'll get married when you're supposed to. Don't stress. And talk to older guys! :)
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