breakthrough.

You are delicious.
That's what I told my hair yesterday after having it trimmed. Really, though. It's such a great feeling. It smells so, so good. It feels amazing. And it's healthy. That's more than I could ask for. Healthy hair means a happy Alex. Plus, it's growing! That's even more cause for celebration. (:


Also, I'm beginning to accept myself.
Alright. I know that sounds silly. But I've always had some pretty bad self-esteem issues.. and it's probably been the worst it's ever been during these past few months. 
I'm not skinny enough. 
I'm not pretty enough.
I have an ugly laugh.
Chubby arms.
And ugly toes.
You  name it, I can find something that I don't like about it. When I look in the mirror, I see something completely different than everyone around me sees. Now, I'm not asking for sympathy and comments. Don't give them. haha! That's not the point of this. A while ago, I read this post on this boy's blog. After reading it, I started to realize that this was what the few people who knew about my self esteem issues were trying to tell me. That I was fine the way I was. I always used to cry and whine to one person in particular, when one day he told me 

     "beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and    you can't behold yourself. I say you're        beautiful, so what I say goes."

Or something to that effect. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I've had a sort of breakthrough. Tonight while I was watching ANTM with my mom, there was one girl who was just so skinny. The judges told her that they didn't like the message that she would be sending to young girls, and so they sent her home. When I first saw her body, I thought "oh man. what I would give.." And then as I listened to the things that were said towards her, and how she told them she was fine, I realized that she sounded crazy. And that I must, too. 

It's still going to take quite a bit of time before I'm completely happy with who I am, but I'm getting there. I don't need to starve myself to be happy. I just want to be healthy. That is one of the few things that I want for myself: I want to be happy. Because given everything that's going on in my life, I need a little bit of happy here and there. I want to look in the mirror and say you are delicious. And I don't want to say it to just my hair. To all of me. (: I know it's a funny little thing to say. But it makes me feel happy. And to know that I love myself will bring me happiness to last a lifetime.

So here's to you and me. let's be happy and delicious together.