My brain is imploding.

I'm sitting here in my room, trying not to lose it.


I've got the Biebz and my rice bag keeping me company. And I love having them as company, don't get me wrong. But they aren't completely removing my stress.


I'm sitting here searching my brain for the reason that I decided to take my photography class. And while I'm doing that, I'm trying to remember how to write an essay. One that's due tomorrow. Well. Just the first draft. I don't really think I'm going to finish it... yep. Not finishing it.


Nic told me that I need to makeout with somebody to relieve my stress. Any takers? doubt it. 


I'll just stick to Justin Bieber and my rice bag.

Bawlbag.

^That's what I am according to Melissa.
I'm pretty sure I agree.


She came over to my house tonight, and we watched The Notebook. I had never seen it before.. I didn't even know that we owned it. ha! So, being the good friend that she is, she insisted that I needed to see it. It was really cute. And of course, by the end I was a wee bit teary eyed. So we walked back downstairs, and that was when we both realized it was the last time we'd be seeing each other for a while. Well, granted she'll be back in a few weeks and I'll be going to visit her I'm sure.


And then I shed a few more tears. Surprisingly I was more emotional when she moved to Provo for a month. And now she's moving to New York. I have zero idea of what I'm going to do without her. I miss her like crazy already, but it will all be ok. I love my Melski. (:

Baby corn?

The Trumans.

These are my adorable next door neighbors. We took pictures of the kids about a week ago. I say they turned out quite peachy. (:

Two can play.

Cut off all contact?

I can do that too.

I'm ready for you to be out of my life for good. I'm currently in the process of erasing all memories of you, and it's going quite well. 

It's incredibly thrilling.

Isn't she adorable?

Freezing buns.

Right now, my buns are freezing.
And my hands.
And eyeballs.


Really though. My eyes are cold. I'm 90% positive that the heater at work is broken. Meh. 100% positive. Yep. It's broken. It's freezing. So I've resorted to printing off blank pages and sticking my arms in the printer. And then my plans evolved into plugging in the laminator and sticking my hands on/into it. Except.. I can't really stick them in too far. Because I don't want to melt the skin off my bones. I then decided to make a hot chocolate run down to the gas station on the corner. So now I'm standing here at work, sipping my hot chocolate, and having a jolly good time with my coworkers.

Work is peachy.

Britney.

This is the conversation that Maddi and I just had.

Happy Thanksgiving alface!

Happy Thanksgiving to you too! Know what would make it better? Solid marathon of Britney songs.

Oh yeah it would! I wonder if she's having a good Thanksgiving?

Probably... She probably had it catered. She's so pretty! I wish we could eat with her!

I know! We'd be so lucky! She'd probably let us try on her red leather body suit too.

Oh my goodness. That would seriously be amazing. 

I would probably faint of excitement.

I would be there to catch you.

That's my biggest wish in life. I'd want her to sing dear diary to me.

I'll see if I can get her here for Christmas.

K. Thanks. You're the greatest. We could always kidnap her?

Oh, definitely! Ok. We're doing that.

K. I'll be planning it out. You know what I'm thankful for? Britney Spears. That's it.

Man. There's nothing else in this life to be thankful for. She's all we need. I'm thankful for her too.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Cat.

"Your cat has been whoring around again."

    ^That's what my mom told me about a month ago. There was no way that I was going to believe her. My cat was not a whore. Not now, not ever. I mean.. despite the fact that she had 5 kittens out of wedlock not too long ago, I was trying to give her a second chance at redeeming herself. She was doing pretty well at behaving, and then one day she disappeared. 
I was devastated. 
My mind had created these hideous scenarios. One where she had been eaten by a coyote, another where she got ran over by a train. After a few days I began to accept the fact that she was gone for good, and to just be happy that she had been such a good pet. A few weeks later I went out to one of my dad's rental homes to help him clean. I heard a meow that was so distinct that I knew it was her. 
I was so happy I could have cried.
My dad wouldn't let me bring her home, and I despised him for it. But it was ok. For I still had Oscar at home to keep me company. Life went on, and I slowly began to forget about Cat. And then one day, she appeared on the back porch. I was 90% positive that she had figured out how to remove her soul from her body and was projecting it in front of me. I had to blink a few times to make sure she was real. Over the course of a month she had somehow managed to find her way from the rental {which is in Ivins} all the way back to my house! Oh, joyous day! It was so glorious. I loved her and was so happy to have her back home.


A few weeks later my mom informed me of her suspicions, and I quickly denied them. Cat was not a whore. And then today, my dad asked me if I had seen Pregnant Cat lately. It was then that my hopes of having a decent pet were shattered.

And that's how I discovered my cat was a whore.

I made a wish, but the match never lit.

I was on the phone with a good friend of mine the other night, and we were talking about relationships, and how they can affect you so deeply. I was asking him how it's possible for somebody to just completely turn off their feelings, as if everything that had happened didn't matter to them anymore. What he said, and how my brain interpreted it are probably two completely different things, but this is what I came up with. Sometimes somebody loves and cares about somebody else so much, that the easiest way to leave them is to completely cut himself out of their life. It doesn't make complete sense to me, because quite honestly, it hurts. But in a way it does make things easier. Once you get over the pain that's left, you're able to continue each day, slowly pushing that other person out of your life. And once you think they're completely gone, all it takes is for something so small to make it come rushing back at you, and then you're forced to start all over again. For me, it's the breeze that moves my hair and tickles my ear. A song that comes up on my ipod. Every little thing that happens in my life is a subtle reminder to what I once had, and I envy it. Some days I miss it so much that I'd give almost anything to get back to that. What I had hoped for my future isn't at all what it has turned into. I'm trying so hard not to be, but I know that I'm bitter about the pathways each of our lives have gone. We are parallel lines, we're running in circles, we're never meant to cross. *sigh* It's true. I wish I knew how to fix things, or at least get over them. I tell myself no more complaining. And I do good for a while.. and then I have days like these where I get thinking too much for my own good, and all old feelings are resurfaced and hit me dead on. The Format has been keeping me at peace today. I can relate with their lyrics so well that it calms me. I'm sick of being told to get over it, and what to do with the whole situation. I try, I really do try. I'm sick of being miserable, but I don't know which direction to go, because no matter what there's going to be a flaw. 


I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish by typing this.. I'm sorry. If you've read this you could probably care less about it. So I'll just stop. I'm tired and sick, so this doesn't make much sense to me either. I just needed an outlet.

"I started sending you a note.

Oh, now I hope that you're happy.

I hear you're somewhere in the sand,

and I wish I was an ocean.

Maybe then I'd get to see you again."

When I eat ice cream I cough.

Wow.
Let me tell you. This past weekend was one of the busiest, most hectic weekends I've had in a long time, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love my friends incredibly so. This weekend was long due, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. (: I'll break down the events that went down.
Wednesday:{ok.. It's not technically the weekend}
I was able to have some awkward bonding time with Brad before he left on his mission. At least I think it was wednesday.. I don't know. They're all blurring together. Anyway! After we went to Krave we went scootering in his church parking lot. The hall monitor got us. I'm 90% positive that he thought we had a posse hiding out in the rocks. He was slightly scary.
Thursday:{I know.. It's still not the weekend}
It was just a typical day. School. Work. The usual. Anyway! While I was at work, Captain texted me and told me she was hungry. I agreed. It was then decided that we were going to go to PF to get some breadsticks and pasta. When we finally got there they were closing, so they were unable to make us any food. But they did have 2 breadsticks! So we got those and returned to the car. We decided to go to Olive Garden because we were still starving. Oh gosh. hahaha. We're just too funny. Here's your visual: we both have our hair on top of our heads, wearing our matching council jackets and tennis sweats. We were blue head to toe. It was great. So we went to Olive Garden and ate straight from the salad bowl and shared a bowl of soup. We got some lovely looks from the couples passing by. Then we went and watched MegaMind. Hilarious. Go watch it. Solid date night.
Friday:
School {shool}. Work. Date night number 2. Pretty much all hopes and plans of eating healthy were completely murdered this weekend. When I got off of work I went to Wingers with Maddi and Melissa. Twas solid. We got literally the biggest booth in the entire restaurant. Maddi was downing her wings, and our waiter just said "it's always the skinny ones that surprise you." haha! Good stuff. After that Maddi and Melissa went to Mary's, and I had to go home to do a few things. When I finally made it to her house, they weren't there. We had been playing phone tag. It was ridiculous. Anyway. I discovered they were looking for the spotlights that were in the sky. I ruined their fun and told them they were in the Christensen's parking lot. Then they came and got me and Josh insisted on saying a prayer. Which didn't happen. ha! Then we went to Krave. That was enough sugar to allow it so I wont have to check my blood for about a year. Then we went to the dollar theater to watch Inception! Josh needs some whispering lessons. He also calls me the 'chosen one.' I thought it was a pretty solid name.
Saturday:
..was the busiest freaking day ever. I didn't work, but that didn't mean relaxation. ha! I didn't get to bed until about 2 Friday night. Woke up at 6:45 Saturday morning. I went and helped my mom at the Tuacahn Saturday Market for a few hours, where I saw this awesome cat named Twerp. He just sits on his shoulder. And he also has a yellow leash. So sweet.

Then I left to take pictures of my nephew's soccer team {go REal St. George!} Then I went and got Mary. We drove back out to Tuacahn to help my mom pick up. Then we met up with Brad and Michelle at 25 Main for lunch. We made our way back to Mary's house where I curled her hair, and then drove back to my house to take some pictures! {Did I mention I went through 1/2 a tank of gas in 3 days?}
She's so pretty.

After taking her pictures, we went to take pictures of a Sadies group! That was quite the .. experience. I'll get those up here later. (: After pictures, Scott and Mike came over to my house. Then Kyle got picked up for sadies. 

And then we drove to Cafe Rio to eat with Anjuli, Josh, and Josh's friends. Ok. Seriously. I ate out more times this weekend than what I normally do in an entire month. Quite possibly two months combined. No joke. Anyway. After dinner we went back to Mary's house, which is where we met up with Melissa, Jake Ras, Zach Polatis, Brad, and Michelle.. ..is that everyone? I don't even know. We played scategories for a little while, and then decided to go to Cold Stone. {I'm telling you. Obesity is on the verge.} Oh, baby. The drive to Cold Stone was one of the most exciting I've ever had.  7 of us in a 5 person car. hahaha. There were 5 of us in the back seat. We had to establish a 'no touching' rule for Scott. Which he didn't follow. It was a lot of fun though.

They're kind of special...

We then made our way back to Mary's.. luckily we had no encounters with cops. When we got there, we discovered KC waiting for us! And then Berkley and Alex Wright came over and we played catch phrase for a while. hahah. That provided some nice entertainment.

Wolverines.

Sunday:
Was solid. All of these days were solid. But! It was Brad's farewell. Which was why everyone was down. After sacrament we all went back to his house and partook of marshmallow fluff. Pluff. And other delectables. 

*sigh*

I miss all of them already. But! They'll be home soon enough for Thanksgiving (: And then again for Christmas. And guess what?! My days still aren't slowing down at all. Today I went and took Kenzie's pictures. And I'm taking the Truman's this next weekend. It's good, though. So. Here's a few from today.

Ok. I'm going to sleep.

Goodnight.

The Bott Family

Let me tell you: I love this family.


I was able to take their pictures about a week ago, and it was loads of excitement. They're kids are so full of energy! I love hanging out with them because you can feel the love in their family.. it's so strong. Without further ado, here they are (:

They're a great family, huh?


Anyway. If you want your pictures taken. Contact me. 

Veterans Day.

Every year when veterans day rolls around I normally try to make a card and go visit my brother and grandpa. Jeff doesn't live here right now, so I just had to settle with leaving him a voice mail. Grandpa, on the other hand, I couldn't resist seeing him. So I made him a card and stopped by his house after work.

He's a great man. And I love him incredibly so. He served in the Korean war. I was able to visit the memorial during my senior trip to DC. Here's a few pictures from there.

I am so incredibly thankful for the men and women who have served for our country. With Jeff going back to Iraq in a few short months, it has surfaced many emotions that I thought I had finally buried.  It's nearly impossible to describe the feelings and love you can have for a person once they leave for war. I know that everyone says they're thankful for those men and women, but I hope that they truly mean it. If you know somebody who has served for our country, or even families that have had somebody that has served, I hope that you tell them thank you. The pain, fear, and stress that those service men and women and their families are placed through are on such an intense level.


I'm so thankful for my grandpa, cousin, brother, and all of the other people who have served for our country. It's true: Freedom isn't free. It's nothing that you can place a price on. I hope you all told somebody thank you today for protecting your freedom, and the land you're blessed to live on.




I love you all. And America. Isn't this a great place we live in?


I think so (:

Thanks, Mel.

Life has thrown me many curve balls lately.


And the one that was thrown at last week hit me straight in the heart.


My stress levels are through the roof, and it's been taking all the strength I can gather to not completely lose my mind. Thankfully I am blessed with amazing friends who let me cry on their shoulder, and listen to me talk. All I really need is just somebody to listen. I don't necessarily need advice. Just an outlet for all the thoughts bouncing around in my head. Yesterday after Melissa's brother's wedding, I went back to the house that she's been baby sitting 3 little boys at for the past week. We were talking, and the conversation naturally ended in me venting, and her listening. {Thanks, dear.} After I left and had been home for a while, she texted me a scripture. Mosiah 12:5.

Yea, and I will cause that they shall have burdens lashed upon their backs; and they shall be driven before like a dumb ass.

I'm not sure how serious about this scripture she was, because when I first read it I laughed. But, needless to say, I was able to pull a bit of seriousness from it. I know that these stressful situations that I've been going through lately aren't permanent. I just needed a subtle reminder. I know that everything is going to be ok, and that no matter what the outcome of all of it is, it's what is meant to happen. I know I'm still going to lose control of my emotions. That's a given. I cry when it's least expected, and it happens a few times a week. But I'm working on not letting all of it control my life. Some of the things will, others won't. For now I'm just going to concentrate on being the happiest that I can be. I'm going to try to enjoy and make the most out of the next six months, and then just take it all a day at a time. I know that no matter what, everything will be the way it's supposed to.


So thanks, Mel. I love you (:


You da bestest.

I bid thee farewell.

^When I originally typed that it said "I fid thee barewell."

It made perfect sense. And then I stared at it for a while, contemplating if I was mere moments from making a fool of myself, and realized I swapped my letters.

*sigh* World, I am telling you goodbye. Because I am one second from dying.

My body is failing me, and I have given up the fight. I'm sick. It feels like there's small gnomes wrecking havoc inside of my ears. And marbles in my throat. And more gnomes in my brain, having a heyday with jousting sticks and swords, beating against my un-armored brain. I'm tired 24/7, and right now I feel like crying.

ohp. Shouldn't have said it. Now I am.

Whoever finds my body gets to be the adoptive parent of David Ninaj, and gets to keep my cat. Also, you can have Clarice. She needs a home as well.

Brad, You can have my uke. I know I haven't named him yet, but I think he'll be a good friend for Launa. Take good care of him.

I hope you're all successful in life. 

See ya in heaven. Or hell. Wherever I get sent.

This is me right now.

In my dying state.

Bye.