The 10 Step Recovery Process of Brad Dorius' Love

Do you ever find yourself strolling along in life happy as can be, and then reality hits you: You've lost Brad Dorius' unconditional love. If so, this 10 Step Recovery Process is just for you. It's easy to let his love slip from your fingers, but hard to win back. With our program, we've made it possible for you to regain his love with dignity and ease. Just follow these ten simple steps, and his love will be yours to claim once again.


1: Admit Defeat.
It's not easy for even the most humble people to admit that they've lost it. But once you admit to both yourself and Brad that you've been missing his love, things will begin to fall into place, and you'll be back on the straight-and-narrow in no time.
2: Become a Suck-Up.
Admitting to Brad that you've lost his love isn't going to be enough to cause him to hand it back to you on a silver platter. You've got to work for it. You've practically got to kiss the ground he walks on. Do his chores for him. Filter his fermented Noni Juice, and occasionally write blog posts dedicated to him. Basically anything you wouldn't normally do, do.
3: Take Care of Launa.
Brad lets very few special ladies into his life. And out of the few that he has, Launa is definitely his favorite. You've got to treat her like the special little lady that she is. Take her for walks around the block. Polish her up. Keep her in tune. Anything that makes Launa happy, makes Brad happy too.
4: Allow His Korean-Speak.
As we all know, Brad is leaving on a mission soon. Included with his mission will be the ability of speaking Korean. He needs some practice. And although you may feel like a fool because you don't know what he's saying, just nod your head like you know what he's saying, and keep that cheesy smile plastered on your face. And once he does leave on his mission, you must continue to let him write you in Korean. Otherwise, these 4 beginning steps will have to be repeated.
5: Feeling Discouraged?
No worries, you're half way there to regaining his love! Now is the time in your 10 step process that you meet with Brad and discuss how you're doing. Are you progressing? Is Launa satisfied? For double points you can bake Brad cookies, bring him warm milk, tuck him into bed and sing him sweet, sweet lullabies.
6: Jeffry.
Jeffry is Brad's beloved pet cow. Jeffry enjoys walks around the block just like Launa. He also loves cake, stories, and snuggling up with Brad at night. Lately Brad has been losing a lot of sleep because Jeffry keeps him up at night with his tossing and turning. He's been looking for somebody to keep Jeffry company in his cow-house so he can get a full night's rest. By spending the night with Jeffry, Brad will be better rested, thus feeling more generous to give you pieces of his love back. 
7: Ignore his FaceBook Speaking Issues. 
Let's admit it: nobody has perfect typing skills. On late nights when Brad argues with his two wives, sometimes he makes a mistake. All it takes is for your to ignore his spelling error, or better yet, just tell him you agree. That's all it takes.
8: Don't Be a Creep.
If there's one thing Brad doesn't like, it's creepy people. So don't be a creep. Because chances are, if you're creepy, you'll probably never regain his love. 
9: Unconditionally Love Him.
If you want his unconditional love, you must love him in return. Not once can you falter, or he will sense your motivations are purely for popularity. 
10: Give Respect.
Don't demand it. If you demand respect from Brad, then you will never receive his love. By bottling your respect, and hand delivering it to him on a velvet pillow, Brad's love for you is bound to burst. And when it does, you best be ready with a net to catch it. Because those few moments are crucial, for this is the time for you to retrieve your once-lost unconditional love.


After the bursting of his heart, you must soak it up like a sponge. Lock it up, and throw away the key. For if you lose his love a second time, there is no way that it will ever return to you. Hopefully this thoroughly tested 10-step program will work for you. Let us know your success stories. 


Good luck on your unconditional love retrieval.