I made a wish, but the match never lit.

I was on the phone with a good friend of mine the other night, and we were talking about relationships, and how they can affect you so deeply. I was asking him how it's possible for somebody to just completely turn off their feelings, as if everything that had happened didn't matter to them anymore. What he said, and how my brain interpreted it are probably two completely different things, but this is what I came up with. Sometimes somebody loves and cares about somebody else so much, that the easiest way to leave them is to completely cut himself out of their life. It doesn't make complete sense to me, because quite honestly, it hurts. But in a way it does make things easier. Once you get over the pain that's left, you're able to continue each day, slowly pushing that other person out of your life. And once you think they're completely gone, all it takes is for something so small to make it come rushing back at you, and then you're forced to start all over again. For me, it's the breeze that moves my hair and tickles my ear. A song that comes up on my ipod. Every little thing that happens in my life is a subtle reminder to what I once had, and I envy it. Some days I miss it so much that I'd give almost anything to get back to that. What I had hoped for my future isn't at all what it has turned into. I'm trying so hard not to be, but I know that I'm bitter about the pathways each of our lives have gone. We are parallel lines, we're running in circles, we're never meant to cross. *sigh* It's true. I wish I knew how to fix things, or at least get over them. I tell myself no more complaining. And I do good for a while.. and then I have days like these where I get thinking too much for my own good, and all old feelings are resurfaced and hit me dead on. The Format has been keeping me at peace today. I can relate with their lyrics so well that it calms me. I'm sick of being told to get over it, and what to do with the whole situation. I try, I really do try. I'm sick of being miserable, but I don't know which direction to go, because no matter what there's going to be a flaw. 


I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish by typing this.. I'm sorry. If you've read this you could probably care less about it. So I'll just stop. I'm tired and sick, so this doesn't make much sense to me either. I just needed an outlet.

"I started sending you a note.

Oh, now I hope that you're happy.

I hear you're somewhere in the sand,

and I wish I was an ocean.

Maybe then I'd get to see you again."