feelings of want.

Feelings of want are some of the hardest to have.

No matter what the situation is, when you want something that you can't have, or that things will never work out to have it be the way you wish, that is so very hard.

Especially when it's a relationship. That is the worst kind of want. When you strive so hard to be with somebody, and you know that it could be such an amazing thing, but time and time again it just doesn't seem to work out. And even when you tell yourself it's for the better, there's still that pang of hurt in your heart.

And then you learn to lay your heart in the hands of the Lord, because you know He will protect you and guide you to the places you need to be. And even though in the back of your mind, that painful wanting of something so sweet is still there, there's a new kind of want. The want of pleasing Him. And that is the sweetest kind of wanting you could have.

drained.

So this is probably the worst way possible to come back into the blogging arena, but I'm emotionally drained and highly unstable.

That 's completely ridiculous once I type it out and read it.

But it's true.

Today is just one of those days where I feel like everything is falling to pieces. I think I'm back to the point of not knowing what I want to do with my life, and it is scaring me to death. I wish things would go the way I wanted them to, but I guess this is just the Lord's way of teaching me to be grateful for what I have.

I think I need to take a little break from life. Not the "I need a vacation" type of break, but more of a "I need to find myself" type of break. Are those dumb? Finding yourself? I don't even know if I'm really "lost," per se.  I think I just need to take a step back and reevaluate my life, the things I value, and most of all my goals.

And just so you all know where I am on the emotional scale, I just burst into full on sobs because a fictional tv cop died from a stab wound.

I'm tellin ya.

It's rough.